MeliGoesRogue

Sometime eight months ago I started to feel the familiar pull to get out. It happens to me every now and then. I think some of it had to do with the fact that as a kid we moved around a bit (not too much). However that packing and unpacking left a sense of clean slate in me. The idea of leaving something behind and finding something new might be the only thing sexier than me on a Thursday night on my way to get my weekly cocktail. The last three years of my life had proven unstable, I had lost and found I had moved out and in, I had loved and left behind. That January I tasted it..safety. It was such a sweet taste, it had  been years since that feeling had revealed itself in my life.

With safety wrapped tightly around me I began to  toy with the idea of going on “vacation”. Ireland was the first place my heart choose, but it’s grandiosity pulled me from its clutches and I moved to safer and smaller distances- South Carolina, Montana maybe even Mexico. However all those plans came crashing down on me one very early Friday morning as my Princess Sofia left me. Distressed seems a disrespectful word for the situation. I had lost a great companion but maybe even more selfishly I had lost some seriously unconditional love. So much for safe- there was no more time for safe. I knew that in the incredibly short time that I had my Sofia I was reminded of that reckless abandon which I used to call my own. It was only ever going to be Ireland. I booked the ticket and haven’t looked back since.

Last night as I wheeled my blue and yellow duffel out to the front door I wondered where all my anxiety was. Normally before any flight I am a big ball of nerves. I’ve missed flights, found a hostile landscape upon my arrival and experienced the kind of turbulence that makes you question ever getting back on a plane. But last night none of that existed. I haven’t had such great sleep (a fucking accomplishment) in such a long time. My heart is full and I feel so at ease.

For those of you wondering ” Why the hell is this such a big deal- its just a plane ride” well its not a plane ride besides the fact that its two, this isn’t about where I am going its about the person who is leaving and what she expects to find. Nothing as cliche as herself but rather the freedom to be exactly who she is never adding or subtracting. Also for information purposes – I am flying into Dublin and renting a car that I suspect small car will take me across the expanse of Southern Ireland. All by my damn self.

As I sit in the fine establishment of the Corona Beach House I am no longer wondering how “socking” crazy this is but rather what took me so socking long to do it. I’m 20 minutes from boarding and all I want to do is take one last look in the mirror. The woman who reflects her image back to me will not be returning. I plan to leave so much on that island, I only ask that she give me in return something to bring back with me.

Travels Sábháilte