MeliGoesRogue

How is it your not here?

Why is it I must ask this question again?

It’s been awhile since I felt this loss. I was just starting to normalize. I just saw you. I felt your hug and smelled you.

I’ve tried to not think of you this week. There have been moments of the day when your name floats in my head and I push it away like a bad dream. Your still somewhere drinking a screwdriver. I miss you my Wacko. I miss hugging you. I miss the stories we would share over rainbow shots.

I met your daughter today…she is you. So much of who she is wrapped up in you. I pray for her heart. I pray for the moments when she is alone in her bed and thinks of her papi.

What do we do now ?

Thank you. Thank you for all that you taught me, about myself, about father’s, about men.

I think now of what you won’t be here for. Her wedding. My own. I think of the interrogation you might have put him thru, making sure he was good enough.

No it’s not fair you can’t be gone. Please come back. Please hug me one more time.

It doesn’t seem fair that so much is gone, when really there is so little left.

The tears won’t stop flowing and I can’t explain who you were to me. Not even to myself. Somehow I love you and I don’t even know when or what color of the rainbow is happened on. I hope your in peace, I hope you are waiting where one day I can see you again.

Thank you for all that you gave me it was more than I could have expected sitting on a rotting bar stool.