MeliGoesRogue

I don’t know why I keep trying. It’s not as if my behavior has changed. My results will to continue to be the same. Men who see me and only see their next climax. Why shouldn’t they I present no speed bumps and I’m so fearful of rejection that I won’t put any up.

They want to tell us to be free with ourselves and they promise they don’t think less of us. Yet the first time their hands touch our skin and their tongue pushes its way into our mouth the end has already begun. I create dependency on the satisfaction I can offer and not the love I have.

For a second I thought you were different. But you revealed the level of respect and care you have for me. So low I can’t find it buried in the sand. For a second I let myself dream of a baby in my belly and your strong hands caressing me enticing our creation within to awaken and press against your calloused hands. For a second I believed that love could manifest so quickly. For a second hope had returned.

It’s time to focus. Time to return to that self care I had proclaimed for myself. I hope, even if for a second at a time that my heart but more so my body will remain turned from you even when you return with promises and sweet sayings. Isn’t it finally time I begin to add back the value I allowed to drain thru the hole in my bucket.