MeliGoesRogue

Eau de vie

I keep starting things and then I get stuck. I think it’s because I keep writing about things that are not the heart of the matter.

Today I had the opportunity to visit a cognac distillery. I splurged so I could have as much of the experience as possible. While I hope to be able to return to all my destinations nothing is promised and so I’ve stopped saying “next time”.

The experience itself was magnificent. There are so many things in this world to see and know. Having the opportunity to see how this unique brandy is made was for me priceless. Not simply for the experience but for the wisdom it imparted.

While describing the distillation process the guide continued to mention the “heart” of the alcohol are what they are after. They will take the time of multiple distillations to gather up as much of the vapors as they can. They take these and after hanging in barrels for decades they bottle them in glass jars and wrap them with wicker. Once they do this the liquid inside freezes in time. It no longer ages or deepens in flavor profile, intensity etc. the very things that age wine do nothing for this French liquor.

That’s what was replaying in my head over and over. The heart. Had I unknowingly placed my heart in a jar preventing it from aging or growing in depth.

The tour continued and we reached one of the final steps…blending ( I realize I didn’t give other steps…get your ass to France and find out the others). In this step these masters who have a catalogue of senses then decide which hearts are best together, not just for taste but continuity. All the bottles must remain the same, which means there is a delicate balance to be made with each bottle.Sounds like marriage if you ask me.

I have spent so many years in search of a heart that will blend and elevate me while also letting my strengths elevate them. Let’s get some prospective on this endeavor.

These men, these master blenders spend so many years refining their palate. Once they have risen thru the ranks but before they become a true “master” they must spend a minimum of 10 yrs, perhaps 15 working under another. Further they don’t do anything but observe for the first three yrs. Can you even imagine ?

Choosing that career isn’t really a choice is it? It’s a need, a desire, a passion and those require dévouement absolu!

All this is done for something that we consume. The only tangible thing is the name and the buildings that make them otherwise this thing that they dedicate their lives to will eventually be consumed or how about this; there is a “heart” in those cellars that 8 generations have all tasted. Each one knowing that the fruit of which they will never taste. Makes me think of that quote.

“ society grows when men plant trees under which shade they will never sit. That is continuity that is honor, that is love.

Here’s the thing once these men decide this is the life they have chosen and thru all the years of training and beyond their “job” is in actuality their life. Their palate is now the source of their life in many ways.

They can no longer do anything that could jeopardize it such as begin to smoke, change their diet etc. They, like the hearts must be frozen in time.

I have always struggled with my emotional self. I have seen it for so long as a weakness because of the way others have interpreted it. I have been blessed to have a good friend who has allowed me the space to be that emotional but always taking each opportunity to remind me of my strength, never negating my tears but rather seeing them as the fuel that propels my heart.

I am a master blender of hearts. I can create fictional intoxicating moments that transcend time, never aging but rather remaining pure. The problem? Well I haven’t found the heart to blend with my own yet. I work diligently to remove the predispositions I have to a certain life realizing that in truth I am moving thru time and space with no external direction. It must be the heart that leads, even if I can’t fully trust it’s wicked ways.

The question for me is what is the action or rather the next practical step to take.

Time for another digression although i feel that word is unfair. My digressions are usually pivotal to the story.

There is a film I love. It’s one man in a car for 90 minutes and in that actual time we see his life implode. At some point after he has shared difficult news with his wife he quickly asks her in the midst of her sadness and disappointment what the practical next step is. This thought process seems vital. We have these emotions within us that at times can direct our actions which are usually full of rage, disappointment and sadness. When what is needed often times is pragmatism. Hence men; they are annoyingly practical at times.

I have placed instead my illogical ways in those glass jars and retrieved my heart. I know that doing this will bring a certain amount of pain and uncertainty but I think I’m finally and truly realizing, that is the joy of life. To have experiences that we think will break us and soon we find that they have not. Instead they have sharpened our senses.

I am not truly in charge of my life and what it will one day look like. There are roads I will take that will be wrong but because I have allowed my heart to age I will be able to “re-center” and somehow find my way back to the path intended wherever that might be. I am done being the GPS I will be the little car on the screen taking turns and missing directions.

By the way the title name it’s what they call cognac when it’s reached the end and is finally ready to be poured.

I was recently asked how I was still single. My response now echoing in my head. “ I haven’t found the man who cannot see his life without me”.

When I finally blend my heart with another it will be my eau de vie. The water of my life, unable to live without it. I pray for my loved ones and the support I will need but if it is not offered….tant pis.