MeliGoesRogue

I left you yesterday quite abruptly in the middle of breakfast. I believe I explained my predicament of being accosted by a stranger and all sense of reasoning leaving me. Hopefully we'll get to that later today.

After my lovely French breakfast, I finished climbing, against my strong desire to stay and have another croissant. My perseverance was awarded. As quickly as I had made it up that hill I made a turn and was faced with "The Hub" it was on my way to the Castle that sits atop the city.

Towering high above me was this gothic looking structure with its sharp tips daring even the birds to fly too close. The crowds seemed to be walking past this marvel and not even giving it a second glance. I propped myself at one of many cashmere shops lining the street but this one was right in front of this majesty. I stood a few moments, taking photos and attempting to get some without all the ungrateful visitors. After what seemed an eternity I made my way to the left it seemed a much easier walk to the castle. Remember that picture from yesterday- the little red door. It happens to be a local parish and just a second after I snapped that picture the groom and his children walked out. It was the sweetest thing to see him in his kilt with his children in theirs waiting for his bride to arrive. As is always the case, I had to press on, I had already had such a late start to the day and couldn't afford to enjoy this love story any longer. I followed the path along the left side of the Hub enthralled with its beauty.
I reached the end of the road and found the reason it was uncrowded, to access the castle from here steep steps were required. I stood across the street studying them. I had come to Scotland to not only explore but to remove the fear that my accident in Colombia had instilled in me, that I couldn't do the things I wanted. I crossed the street and slowly approached the steps, but the memory of the moments before my accident reminded me that I also learned that taking care of myself was more important than seeing these incredible monuments. I wasn't ready for the ascension that day, but I'll be returning and I know the days preceding that will instill in me the confidence to take those steps without hesitation. I returned down the path and quickly found my next stop.

I've become more and more found of these cathedrals and basilicas that I have been privileged to visit. Not because of the solemnity found within, but rather there reverence that I find in the painstaking etchings of the wood or the crafted marble tombs. It is not the church I find myself reflecting on but more on God who it was built to revere and I feel so sad that I have to travel halfway across the world to find that kind of adoration. I'll continue before this turns into a sermon.
The day carried on mostly with me fidgeting with my camera and walking into the million and one different souvenir shops on the Royal Mile.
Finally I reached the foot of the road and the Queen's home away from home "Holyrood" A magnificent home rich in history and yet ever so present.

But then came the abbey…
How could ruins look so perfect. Even in their discoloration each stone lending itself to the portrait. I stood humbled by its grandeur and saddened at its destruction. I tried my best to drown out the noise of the crowds, to look only forward and up and remove them from my view.
I thank God for a wide angle lens although its difficult to convey the height of the structure I hope I offered it some care.
As I finished walking the gardens I made my way to the exit and the blue clouds that you see turned gray and began to shower me. Never had rain been more welcomed, I tend to overly attach myself to sadness and the rain as cliche as it sounds washed away that sadness.
I found a black cab and found my way once more to the grass market. I reached the top of the stairs with my feet aching and my tummy groaning…just a few minutes and then I'll go get dinner.

Let's talk eating alone, sure so many people tell me "how brave" while others treat it casually as its sometimes a circumstance and not a preference. Well try being a single woman on vacation in a pub at a table alone….mmhmm I'll wait. The truth is the anxiety of walking into a place you've never been is heightened only by doing it alone. I quickly found a table near the back on the side where no one could really see me; I thought.
Of course I parked myself at the only table right next to the stairs down to the "loo", in a pub..with men..drinking beer.. yeah everyone at the bar eventually made eye contact with me. Regardless I enjoyed a pleasant dinner and pint while surveying the locals and the not so locals. A group of women, ok girls really caught my eye. They were being flirtatious and trying to appear older than they obviously were, I remember doing that, I just remember being so much better at it. Meanwhile the group of guys standing at the bar opposite them were clearly not paying attention and it wasn't until I accidentally…I swear laughed out loud at one of the girls swirling a hot glass of Rose that all their eyes darted over to me and one in particular apparently found himself desiring to linger.

Then there was the lobster bisque yada yada yada…aka none of your business.

Finally sleep – as exhausted as I was sleeping here in the city was still too much like home and the tossing and turning ensued. Yet what that day on those streets did was remind me that the fear which clung so tight to my chest on the walk up the hill and as I faced that mountaintop, that fear had dissipated, not disappeared but simply changed into its final form, confidence.
Tonight as I snuggle into new crisp white sheets with the window open blowing the breeze and the sound of the water I know that which I long for is within my grasp.

Till tomorrow
Thigt cadal a 'tighinn