MeliGoesRogue

There was this older couple at dinner tonight. They seemed either happily married or at the start of their affair. Considering how publicly they showed their affection I choose to believe the former.
There was something so tender about the way her eyes followed him as he spoke for her, she was in awe that he was hers. Even all these years later. Each time her hand rested on his forearm his legs began to move rapidly attempting to hide his reciprocation. That my friends is the stuff dreams are made of, to remain blissfully in love not oblivious. I say the following with no desire for pity or anything of the sort, however as someone who spends much time alone; eating, drinking and traveling I find myself more equipped to make these assumptions. I know what men look like when they are cheating. There are moments when they look as though they’ve won the lottery and others when they look in fear that they have jeopardized all that means something for something that means nothing. It’s a burden to carry a secret, more when it’s your own.
I’ve been a keeper of secrets and there is a fear that it brings that keeps sleep from your door. Perhaps it is why it has alluded me so long.

Last time I was on this side of the Atlantic I kept finding doors, not in the door to my room kind of thing but rather in gardens and under trees. Guarding nothing…this visit to these cold waters has proved no different. Except these doors are closed and in shadows and all they make me want to do is break the chain that keeps them together.

One of the reasons I like taking these trips alone is I begin to push out the walls of the tiny house I live in. Sometimes taking down entire walls. Traveling alone builds such character and resilience and honestly problem solving.
There are so many unknown variables. The way the roads turn, a mix up with your bed for the evening. To be able to make adjustments quickly without losing your cool and allowing desperation in.

I’ll never forget the end of my trip in Ireland my hotel was apparently on a small island off the coast which I could get to by ferry but my car couldn’t go with me. I accepted my realty and quickly moved towards a new solution. I drove two hours before I knew I would have a place to lay my head.

So many times in life if not all we are constantly moving towards something without knowing if it’ll be there. Some of us are inspired by the unknown while others are crippled by it.

Today which is tomorrow from when this originally was written I was driving to my next bed thinking of the differences between Ireland, Scotland and “home”, when suddenly I found myself at the base of a very large mountain seeing the road hugging its way all the way up. It seemed high but nothing too daunting. I pushed my foot down on the gas. Exhausted and feeling the anxiety of being close but far I felt the car unable to accelerate. I was stuck going 22mph over what I quickly realized was a behemoth. Just when I had believed I reached the top I noticed the top I had seen was simply the base of a larger mountain. I continued my pursuit of its peak. Finally upon seeing more than just sky and the car finally being “nose down” I had reached the top. Almost immediately I noticed a stop to my left a worn down piece of land, I gathered many desired the immediacy of the ground after that ascent and a new path was formed. I stepped out of my car only to feel the cold air against my face but more than that I finally heard what I had been waiting for…nothing. That blissful silence that told me I was alone ..truly alone at the top with only God to hear. I heard him flapping in the wings of the birds flying above me. The tall stalks of grass swaying as if they were dancing the tango. I wanted to sit and stay but a safer place awaited me and I desired nothing more than to arrive.

I owe you a couple of days play by play and they’ll come…be patient..I’m waiting on the whiskey.