MeliGoesRogue

I’m not supposed to be here today. I’m meant to be somewhere else now. There is nowhere to go where you are not and yet this air and these roads make my throat swollen and unable to swallow the truth of your absence. The passing of time has made nothing easier. It has only made my silence louder than trains that should be passing me by.

I’ve been consumed recently with the things of our youth. The moments when we are Christopher Robin playing in the hundred acre wood to us leaving it behind. Yet more times than not I find myself seeing more of Pooh reflecting back at me. How often my hand has joined another for their journey only to be left behind in the wood as they move on in the world. I think of the last time your hand was in mine.

There was this small little island in Ireland that was filled flowers and trees from all over the world, somehow they were surviving in these environments that were not akin to those that they are meant to thrive on. Somewhere hidden in the trees was a round stone building that in times of war was used as a lookout. So much of me is that island. There are things that are living in me, some of them beautiful, some of them coarse and cold and yet they all co exist within the soil of my soul. I remember most how quiet it was, I remember the tears that it brought forth to hear nothing more than my own heartbeat and the air overflowing from the breaths pulled in so deep into my lungs. I think it was on those mountain tops and in the forest of trees that I finally forgave myself…I will return and even though I carry you with me, there is a part of you I left hidden in the hillside forcing me to return and reclaim you.

I don’t know how to finish this. My thoughts are not coherent, I have no poetry for you. Everything in my heart must remain there and I remember why I seek solace in other lands.

Je’taime mi vida.